Bribing Children + Low-Carb Cookies and Healthy Banana Bread

(If you don’t want to read our boring personal anecdotes then scroll down to the “read more” section for the recipes!)

My younger daughter Audrey is a lovely child. Let’s establish that first.


on the red carpet

10629873_10152351933672685_8707914426856669178_n (1)

at the wax museum with her namesake

Do you believe me? Alright, let’s continue.

Angela and Audrey have been playing piano for ten years and six years, respectively. Neither of them practice much at all. I forgive Angela because I know she’s busy (or claims to be) but Audrey, on the other hand, has become obsessed with the likes of Taylor Swift and no longer enjoys playing classical piano music.


Now this is art!

Okay, you might be thinking, If she hates piano, why force her to play? What kind of crazy tiger mother are you? I’m afraid that if I try to explain people might not like me so much, so I’m going to let Angela be the contributing author today. Fire away, Angela:

Our mom wants us to play piano because she’s a sentimental old lady. When Audrey laments her forced practicing, our mother mutters something about classical music helping us get hitched someday or something. Her official reason is that she loves classical music and her piano got taken away during the Cultural Revolution and blah blah blah. But she’s always told us it’s so that the matchmaker has something good to say about us.


“We’ll bring honor to our family!” Let the record show that Angela was obviously being facetious. -Joan

Anyway, our mother wants us to practice piano all the time for several reasons, outlined above. I play when I can, but Audrey, bless your little soul, would rather curl her eyelashes (I’m kidding, Audrey, please no retributive violence!) than sit down and play some Debussy. So my mommy has taken to bribing her with treats.

She used to buy the real deal, super creamy starch-laden diabetes-causing Standard American Diet staples like Oreos and Ben & Jerry’s. But now that she’s trying to be healthier, she’s taken to coaxing Audrey with somewhat less food coma-inducing fare. Since our dad’s keeping an eye on his blood sugar, we also have to make sure he won’t get a huge spike in blood glucose when he sneaks leftovers.

Much joy. Many carbs. Much fat. Much regret.

Much joy. Many carbs. Much fat. Much regret.

Today our mother purchased a huge bag of almond flour (blanched almonds ground up into flour) and decided to make Audrey some desserts as payment for a few harried minutes of Doctor Gradus ad Parnassum. These recipes hit all the buzzwords: paleogluten free, and vegetarianif you’re into that stuff. We made some substitutions (i.e., erythritol/rebiana blend “stevia” and maltitol-sweetened sugar-free maple-flavored syrup) that probably aren’t paleo, but then again I highly doubt cavemen ever ground up coconuts and almonds and baked them into cookies and banana bread. Oh, well. (Note: if you are a paleo diet aficionado and I just offended you, please note that I am just some sarcastic teenager and it’s really not worth it to be offended.)

Okay, without further ado:

This is the cookie recipe. This is the banana bread recipe.

I sincerely hope that both links work. If not, is the cookie recipe and is the banana bread recipe.

We made a few minor ingredient substitutions just because of what we had on hand and they still turned out okay.


Audrey is a cookie monster

Banana bread! Now that's a pretty darn good photo if I may say so myself.

Banana bread!

Mmmm! Low glycemic index, (relatively) low carb, and absolutely no added sugar (like I said, we used sugar-free maple-esque syrup)! So go and make this ASAP!

5 thoughts on “Bribing Children + Low-Carb Cookies and Healthy Banana Bread

  1. 我打算想读一本好书一样,从头开始,慢慢地,一页一页地Enjoy你的blog。




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